Snake-oil Salesman Extraordinaire

A couple weeks ago, I had the pleasure [tempted to preface the word with “dis”] of sitting through a Sylvia Browne lecture. I am compelled to add that attending was not my idea, and neither did I pay for the “experience.” A friend of mine, who had become a recent fan, insisted I come along as her personal “bullshit detector,” because apparently, Ms. Browne has now set about “to expose secret societies.”

conwoman browne

Despite my inclination to summarily dismiss anything that comes out televised pop culture, I made an oath to myself (and my friend) that I would keep an open mind. I did not wish to display the same fervor of denial which is exhibited by others (some, whom I know personally), that dismiss me and other aware/awake individuals like myself as “conspiracy nuts.”

Arriving a bit late, the first thing that caught my attention, was the attention that I was receiving from the already seated throng of attendees. For the most part, her “fan base” consisted of middle-aged women. who were trying to address their sense of unfulfillment and unhappiness through this New Age movement. {*1}

middleage audience

Making my way down the lecture hall, walking across and down the aisles, I could feel myself being visually undressed and feasted on. Hm, this is kind of “new.” I’m kind of liking this feeling! [I hope I’m not flirting with narcissism, but can understand my spotlight moment — a “relatively” young man, who just by being here, would be interpreted, as being “in touch with his feelings.”]

Alas, she began her “lecture.” She talked about Freemasons for a little bit, citing the official disinformation line about their roots and origins, and even called them “Stonecutters” on occasion. [Did she get this from watching the Simpsons?] She then very briefly mentioned Skull & “Crossbones,” listing a couple of their best-known members [i.e., Bushie Sr. & Bushie Jr.] and that they lie naked in a coffin for their initiation, without so much as a mention of the homo-erotic aspects or the weird occult rituals involved.

She made a brief mention of the Bilderbergers, adding that they are “powerful” and then, paused [about five minutes into the talk], before breaking into a painful half-hour comedy routine which I would best summarize as “Henny Youngman at the Catskills.” My friend looked at me, wincing. My face confirmed the answer to the question her face was demanding of me, “Yes, this woman is full of shit.”

autism epidemic

Sylvia then made an inexplicable comment which aggravated both of us immensely; that children with autism are advanced souls who have CHOSEN such a life for their spiritual betterment. WHAT! Oh, that’s it. This woman is more than just clueless. I had heard a similar karmic slant regarding handicapped people from other “psychics,” but no children are born with autism Ms. Browne! They get it courtesy of the vaccines made by the same people you are allegedly here “exposing.”

Enough from this charlatan. Time to leave.

But, we can’t. Sylvia now has everyone around us in a trance, going through a meditation session. “Imagine a rain of blue light.” “Feel the purple light coming up through your butt, and moving up your spine.” I guess we have to wait while she administers this psychic enema to the crowd. Everyone within visual range, except for us, now has their eyes closed, partaking in this surreal Moonie-like exercise.

rainbow enema

Well, almost everyone, the only exception other than our group, is the black cleaning woman wheeling her garbage can down the aisle, and looking obviously weirded-out by the mass of zombies we are surrounded by. My friend and I simultaneously break-out in laughter, the same thought going through our heads at the same time: the cleaning woman going home to her family later and blurting out, “Let me tell you about those crazy white people!”

Q&A followed the “meditation” session, so we decided to stick it out for a while longer, hoping one of our numbers would be called, and that I could use the opportunity to confront this woman about her absurd Autism statement and reveal her ignorance about matters related to secret societies. Unfortunately, our number was not called, hence we left the hall.

My friend was a lot more irritated by the experience than I was, and that was probably because she’s the one who paid for it, so she went home. But I, decided to stay and advantage of the attendee’s enthrallment with me, by hanging out in the lobby for a while, and talking to the groups of women vying for my attention. {*2} I educated them on the dangers of vaccinating their children and about the process of exempting your children from the false “requirement.” So, I guess I, in a small way, managed some sort of weird societal alchemy, converting a pile of shit [the useless evening] into a pile of gold [making a few more people aware of the truth].

bar pickup

Later on that same night, I did, at a tavern outside the convention center, meet a very cute shapely, albeit naive young woman. My salivation for her, and any hope for miraculous salvation ended however, when she began trying to convince me that Hillary Clinton was the savior for America. But that is another story…

A Few Other Arbitrary Celtic Rebel Posts on Related or Similar Subject Matter
Jun 2007: Arnold the Butt Pirate Aug 2007: The Future Nancy Grace
Oct 2007: Snake Oil Woman Oct 2007: Satan’s Little Helpers

*1: Though I choose not to presently elaborate on this yet one more “movement” that has been commercialized, trivialized, redirected, and subverted, I would recommend Hidden Dangers of the Rainbow, though I’ll note my conclusions differ from the author’s in many ways. [LB]

*2: The process of choosing whom wasn’t really even proactive. I had, by chance, worn my “Trust Me I’m a Cowboy” t-shirt. So, all it really took on my part, was walking up to whoever had been cooing “Hey Cowboy!” [LB]

~ by celticrebel on October 22, 2007.

2 Responses to “Snake-oil Salesman Extraordinaire”

  1. Oi Alex,
    Só pra dizer que estou visitando seu blog.
    Desejo sorte amigo!
    bj br.

  2. Awwh, how cute are you? 🙂

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